I was making a decision this week about an opportunity I felt I wanted to be engaged in for a while now. So I followed the logical steps of getting in touch with the people who were offering it, had a phone call and even met up for a chat. On the surface everything was fine. Really, pretty much what I expected and what I was looking for. On the very very surface, the opportunity even sounded very noble and humble. It would have been a delight to be able to say that I was partaking in it. Everything was there. And yet. I noticed that what was absent was what I have come to call a “full body yes” within me. I just couldn’t find a “yes” anywhere in my body. It was there in my mind, floating with all the pros and cons, but I couldn’t feel it as a quickening of the life force in the energy of my body.
As I was making up my mind, I reflected on all those times in the past when I had chosen to say “yes” even if it wasn’t fully felt within me physically. They all led to experiences of great learning and… an eventual reality in which I had to say that “no” anyway. Except by then, the process was way more entangled than it would have been had I said “no” from the start. And in contrast, whenever I had honoured the absence of “yes”, it would soon become very obvious why saying a “no” was the right path. Circumstances would reveal themselves showing the unpleasant realities I would have been a part of had I not opted out.
And so this week I said “no”. Simply and purely because I couldn’t find a “full body yes” which has become my compass lately. As soon as I had left that voicemail with my “no”, there was a felt relief. My body shape changed ever so slightly and felt lighter. This is my trusted inner guidance now – if it’s not a “full body yes”, then it’s a “no, at least for now”.
What about you? What is your true North for decision making?
Tags: decision making following joy mindfulness Traveler's Notebook writing