Do you know that feeling when you have an experience so profound that it cannot be described in words, and yet that is precisely what you feel you need to do? Or when you learn something you think is so important that it shakes you to the core of your cells and you want the world to know it?
Lately it feels like this happens to me on a daily basis. However, over and over again I discover a small problem – which is the realization that the whole experience or newly acquired nugget of knowledge only really holds such significance for the person experiencing it rather than the world in general. As a consequence, the one sharing their experience ends up looking a lot like disheveled and out-of-breath Moses who has just run down the mountain to tell everyone how amazing the views are from the top – only to realize that people cannot really understanding what he is saying because of his panting. That also has been happening to me recently.
There are certain topics that I am absolutely fascinated with and passionate about – presently, it’s organic food, alternative approaches to health, holistic pregnancy and birth, to name just a few. I spend hours each week reading, watching or listening to bountiful information related to these topics, often times wondering whether it settles somewhere in my head or just sieves through. Just in case it’s the latter and because in that moment it feels like the most important thing ever, I feel like I need to share. My husband knows this only too well because at least 5 times a day I start our conversations with ‘Whoa, did you know that ..?’ or ‘So I was reading this amazing thing about …’
It would be fine if this desire to share was contained to the immediate circle of people that have infinite patience with me. The issue arises when I start feeling like I really want everyone to know. I haven’t yet reached the point of trying to persuade strangers on the street to listen to me, but I often find myself triggered when someone innocently brings up food or health as a conversation topic. Or, worse yet, when someone gives me a piece of advice that I simply cannot quietly agree with. I think most people are simply not prepared for the number of words and quotes that seem to burst out of me at the mention of any of those subjects, and probably regret having started the conversation.
Last week it happened just after I was advised that in order to have healthy teeth during pregnancy and beyond, I had to make sure to drink a lot of milk. While I won’t deny that fresh milk from a healthy happy organically-fed free-range cow has nutritional benefits, I really don’t think that what is currently available in shops labelled as ‘milk’ fits that description. It only takes a quick google search of ‘milk myth’ to discover a long list of reasons to avoid milk altogether and replace it instead, for example, with a glass of freshly squeezed organic carrot or greens juice.
But I digress. The point is that this innocent dairy-related suggestion stirred up in me such an abundance of information and advice that I felt I had to share in exchange – ranging from substances found in conventional milk, to GMOs, to meridians that connect our teeth with the rest of our body, etc. etc. However, the topic got changed in such an abrupt way that it felt as if I suddenly head-butted an invisible door with sentences still trying to escape my mouth.
I spent the next few days returning back to the situation in my mind and feeling slightly annoyed. I mean, why would someone so rudely turn down an opportunity to hear a good piece of advice or a few fascinating facts about our bodies and health? Well, sure I didn’t want to accept their tip about milk, but that was different. It had to be because someone was not ready for the changes that accepting the information would mean or the commitment it would require. After all, it’s impossible to unlearn things – so sometimes we all prefer not knowing.
But I also know it better and can no longer unlearn that all that happens around me is simply a reflection of my internal world. So as much as I wanted to keep searching for reasons why someone would shut down my desire to share, it was clear that it would only take me so far. So slowly I had to start looking for the answers within.
Over the next few days it dawned on me that I am the one who is quite guarded against any information that might disrupt my peaceful pregnancy bubble. Sure, I share and allow things to flow out but what comes in is very carefully filtered to match only what strongly resonates with me or what inspires me. Over the last few months I have kept in close touch with only a few family members and friends who I know I can rely on for peaceful and pleasant conversations. It also gently came to my attention that perhaps I have been trying to juggle too much recently – finalizing things at work before maternity leave, prenatal classes and eyesight course, helping organize International Holistic Vision Congress in Madrid this autumn, multiple flights in the last few weeks, and filling my days with hours of new (although really inspiring) information. Even finding some time for creativity and writing this blog has been a real challenge some weeks.
So really maybe the whole reason for why my desire to share might have been overwhelming is because I have been a little overwhelmed myself. And perhaps instead of running around trying to spread the good news and advice, I just need to take time to catch my breath and address all those slightly disheveled areas of my life. Just when I reached that conclusion, I remembered a great quote that seemed fitting:
“If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate suffering, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly the greatest gift you have to give is your own transformation!” – Lao Tzu