I am not here to tell other parents how to raise their children, but perhaps I could share a few reminders to everyone interacting with children who are not their own. Please know that being a neighbour or a passer-by who interacts with a child a few times per year does not qualify you as being in a close relationship, and that the following is NOT an appropriate nor respectful behaviour towards a child:
- Touching a child’s face (do you let strangers on the metro touch your “cute nose” or “chubby cheeks”?).
- Forcing a kiss or a hug when the child’s body language clearly shows tension and refusal (if you so badly need a hug, find a tree!).
- Lifting up their ballerina skirt and commenting about how it is “so adorable that the chunky thighs are touching” (I can’t believe I just typed this).
- Grabbing the toy a child is holding or insisting that they give it to you (I’d love to see how you would deal with a stranger on the street trying to get the iPhone out of your hands).
- Lifting them off the ground – especially from behind – without asking if they want to be lifted or even as much as a warning (yes, you would scream too!).
- Wiping a child’s nose without asking first (I would suggest that perhaps parents can be left to deal with that – I’ve written more on snotty matters here).
- Making up nonsense to “correct” a child’s behaviour – ex. “Don’t put the fingers in your mouth or your teeth will fall out” (actual quote).
- Trying to convince a child that they are being unreasonably scared of your dog (have you seen what your dog actually looks like to someone who is under a meter high?).
- Speaking about the child in front of them as if they are not there – ex. “She’s a bit fussy today, no?” (they can hear you and will ask their parents about what “fussy” means when you leave).
- Making “funny” threats about how you are about to steal the child’s snack from them (the image of that happening on the metro between strangers is actually quite funny, but – no).
- Insisting on getting a child to interact with you when they have their face buried in their parent’s chest or legs (it is a clear gesture they don’t even want to see you, let alone answer your questions).
Maybe it gets a bit confusing because children are so small and cute, and the temptation to get near their delightful energy is just too much to resist. But I would say a good rule of thumb is – if you wouldn’t do something to a teenager or an adult that you are not very very close with, just don’t do it to a baby or a kid. Because really – where do you draw the line? And with the rest of it, when in doubt – ask for permission first and pause to hear, see or sense the answer.
Tags: childhood conscious parenting gentle parenting mindfulness